Have you ever just had a job that you just knew wasn’t for you but you stay anyway because well it pays the bills and you need to feed your family etc. ? Well I have had lots of those jobs although I felt like I knew my calling at a young age , I did not make the right choices. I started working at a hospital in NJ when I was in my late teens early 20s. I worked full time in an oncology unit and loved it. I loved the people, the patients, and the paycheck. It was then that I realized my love for helping people. I left and went home everyday feeling rewarded and fulfilled. But I still did not feel that was where I was meant to be. I stayed in the hospital setting for 17 yrs, moved to another hospital in NJ that was paying more. This hospital was a lot bigger and I no longer worked on a small oncology unit. I worked in a very busy PACU. (Post Anesthesia Care Unit) it was a very fast paced , in and out after surgery unit. I got used to it. I no longer went home to my apartment feeling fulfilled. Instead it turned into just being tired. Very very tired . But I stayed. It was a good job and I still was up in the air if this is something I wanted to do for my entire life.
Through out these years , I got a lot of attention. I was young and pretty and smart. I wound up dating a doctor I met , then a male nurse and then Joe who is my sons dad.
Joe worked in Radiology. He was a work friend and we hung out a lot. One thing led to another and I was pregnant with my son Jake at the age of 29. Joe and I tried to make things work but we wound up not staying together. So now I’m 29 and a single mom with a baby living alone. From that day on a put all my dreams on the back burner. I barely even thought about them. I was now a new mom and that was my main job. My mom watched my son Jake while I worked at the hospital for long hours and I would also waitress at random places to help my mom as she no longer worked so she could watch my son. These jobs would help me pay her.
this went on for a couple of years. I worked so much that I missed out on a lot with my son but I had to do what I had to do for all of us.
I always felt at the end of the day I was blessed and god provided for me even if I was stressed.
Then I met Danny . Danny and I met through mutual friends . He was also a single dad and worked long hours as a commercial plumber. When I met Danny he was in sad times. He had just lost his mom to addiction a cousin that was killed and was starting to spiral himself. He would drink a lot to numb the pain. I stayed with Danny as he was the kindest man I had ever met . Once again I felt as I met him for a reason for us to help each other. His healing was a very tough time but we made it through. Fast forward a couple years later and his bestfriend overdoses and dies and around the same time his grandfather passes. Danny spirals again. At this point I am feeling I can’t have my son alone with someone so depressed. So I don’t work too much anymore. I get jobs at night bartending and waitressing . They are long nights away from home which at the time wasn’t good for danny to be alone. But I needed to bring in some kind of income.
I did that for about 4 years. Danny got better for a while and then more heartache came his way. His brother was found dead from a heroine overdose in another state. This was really hard for Danny to recover from. He now lost everyone in his immediate family.
Til this day I do not know why my life took so many turns and I was put in many situations where I was just needed to care for people. But I am good at helping people. I am good at being a natural healer in situations. I learned that after all this, that my calling is to help people no matter what it is. To be here and be present , to make people feel cared for . Is there a paid job for that ? Probably not. But I have so many experiences that I will share that will maybe help even one person to make better decisions early on. Today I truly live by the Bible verse that says “ Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others
Leave a Reply