I don’t know how some stay at home mommas do it. When I say that I don’t mean the “actual stay at home part “ or the caring for the child part bc obviously there is nothing better then to be able to be with your children. Especially when they are young! You get to experience all the firsts. Something I missed out on a lot as a single mom and I do not wish for any mom. It still hurts me to this day.
But let me get back on track. As I was saying , being a stay at home momma just the last few years I feel that it has really took a toll on me. As for me, my son is now 13 so I don’t exactly have a toddler anymore so .. bear with me. Now when I say that , I’m not saying I don’t like the freedom to pretty much make my own schedule , take lunch whenever I want ,or doing everything on my time. What I mean is bc of the freedom to pretty much make my own schedules, appointments , routines etc, I feel like I’m what I call “Functionally Depressed “ . I feel like it has made a negative impact on me. I feel like there were so many more “colors” to me when I was a working momma . I thrived more, I moved more, I had better conversations, much more energy, prob about 60lbs lighter and most of all I was financially independent. That’s a big one!
It wasn’t until recently that I started looking at how my health has slowly deteriorated since I stopped being a working momma. I woke up to the realization recently. This past year I was actually at a local supermarket , I remember my eyes getting very blurry and it felt like someone lit a match in my head. I had called Danny and my Mom and let them know I didn’t feel well . My head was really hot and my vision was in and out. I sat in my car and was able to get home and then paramedics were called . My blood pressure was 213/ 110 and I just felt like this was it. I’d been gaining lots of weight for the past few years I’ve been home , was eating very unhealthy, a lot of social drinking, and always felt severely stressed and depressed. I suffered major panic attacks daily. I always felt not well. Sooo I wind up getting admitted to a hospital that day and monitored for my blood pressure for 5 days. It just wouldn’t stay down. I cried everyday I was there bc I missed my son. What I didn’t miss was all the running around I did. And I wasn’t like a “normal runner arounder” I would cram everything I could in 24 hours , I would spread myself very very thin and then plop on the couch and do that over and over and over again every day! I never even made time for me anymore, I no longer took care of myself. Never put make up on, stopped exercising It was very minimum ! I no longer had hobbies and I didn’t really enjoy things anymore . I lived in my $5 Walmart leggings year round. I think I have 50 pairs. ( no exaggeration ) I ate slept breathed for everyone else. ( which I don’t regret bc I do believe my soul purpose is to help people) ….i just wished I included me in that routine.
Fast forward I’m discharged from the hospital and I now am on blood pressure pills for my life. And to some of you moms or dads that do not struggle with blood pressure , it takes time to adjust. It took me a while.
I started walking everyday miles and miles and I was losing weight and feeling better . It wasn’t a lot of weight maybe 10 lbs. My eating habits were still pretty bad. I would live off my teen sons diet bc of all the snacks in the house and had so much time to eat them whenever I wanted. I ate all day .
Fast forward a few months later I kept getting bronchitis and pneumonia having severe pain in my upper abdomen . I had several times where I was admitted to a certain hospital in NJ ( I won’t say which one unless you ask) that didn’t believe me. . They ran a couple tests and kept switching antibiotics , and when I would try to talk to the hospitalist, I would get no where. I felt something pressing against my heart . They wouldn’t listen. They would give me morphine every three hours and a sedative to shut me up every night. I guess they didn’t want to help me. That was my fifth admission and the last in that hospital. They were rushing me out with no answers. I asked for a gastroenterologist each admission and they would tell me they were coming and never did. They sent me home and the next day I couldn’t walk. I crawled to let my dogs out and then my husband came home and I demanded him to take me to a different hospital. It was that night and the next five days that I was admitted to Morristown Medical Center that I witnessed real life angels ! From admission to testing , to every nurse and doctor encounter it was amazing. I asked for a gastroenterologist and I was granted one that day. I had an upper endoscopy scheduled the next morning. And they just kept keeping my comfortable and checking in. I sat there and cried happy tears . I was so emotional and grateful for them. Once again my health is taking a turn and I was scared. 2024 was not my year !
I had an upper endoscopy where they found a decent size Hiatel Hernia. Finally an answer. Went home 4 days later with medication for the hernia and I was getting so much better daily.
Now I’m home and realize that I was sick for so long with no answers that I had developed some sort of social anxiety. I was scared to leave my house bc every-time I had left the house in the past two months I wound up in an ambulance. I was scared . I took baby steps and got my confidence back. I had a lot of encouragement from one of my best friends . Her name is Tyrina . Just thought I’d throw that xtra info in . She was and is such a huge part of my healing . She would check on me daily and lift me up . Everyone needs a friend like her.

So now it is a couple months and I’m back to my old routines of doing and eating whatever I wanted. I start gaining even more weight. And I’m tired of being so financially Independent on my husband. It is causing a lot of arguments and once again sat here in my corner of my sectional sulking , barely moving . It was then again I woke up and made my final decision that this stay at home momma gig has its ups and downs for each unique situation but for me it is much more downs. Do you ever feel like this? stuck in the “functional depressed” mode.
I truly feel like being home the last few years without a job and without financial independence that this did me dirty lol. I started this blog to help and relate with anyone that’s feeling similar on many topics that bring anxiety that we feel forced to cover up. Functional Depression is a thing and is in my opinion a silent killer. It is so important that we take care of us!
The last two weeks I started going back to the gym, I started eating better, trying to drink much more water then usual and taking care of my mind. Oh yes and I’ve applied to every job I could so 🤞🏼

I’m gonna close out with that and I’ll talk to you soon if anyone wants to comment please do so I would love your take on the SAHM position with zero income coming In on our part.
thank you for reading anxiety and eyecream Go be Great Today Love, Christine

Have you ever just had a job that you just knew wasn’t for you but you stay anyway because well it pays the bills and you need to feed your family etc. ? Well I have had lots of those jobs although I felt like I knew my calling at a young age , I did not make the right choices. I started working at a hospital in NJ when I was in my late teens early 20s. I worked full time in an oncology unit and loved it. I loved the people, the patients, and the paycheck. It was then that I realized my love for helping people. I left and went home everyday feeling rewarded and fulfilled. But I still did not feel that was where I was meant to be. I stayed in the hospital setting for 17 yrs, moved to another hospital in NJ that was paying more. This hospital was a lot bigger and I no longer worked on a small oncology unit. I worked in a very busy PACU. (Post Anesthesia Care Unit) it was a very fast paced , in and out after surgery unit. I got used to it. I no longer went home to my apartment feeling fulfilled. Instead it turned into just being tired. Very very tired . But I stayed. It was a good job and I still was up in the air if this is something I wanted to do for my entire life.
Through out these years , I got a lot of attention. I was young and pretty and smart. I wound up dating a doctor I met , then a male nurse and then Joe who is my sons dad.
Joe worked in Radiology. He was a work friend and we hung out a lot. One thing led to another and I was pregnant with my son Jake at the age of 29. Joe and I tried to make things work but we wound up not staying together. So now I’m 29 and a single mom with a baby living alone. From that day on a put all my dreams on the back burner. I barely even thought about them. I was now a new mom and that was my main job. My mom watched my son Jake while I worked at the hospital for long hours and I would also waitress at random places to help my mom as she no longer worked so she could watch my son. These jobs would help me pay her.
this went on for a couple of years. I worked so much that I missed out on a lot with my son but I had to do what I had to do for all of us.
I always felt at the end of the day I was blessed and god provided for me even if I was stressed.
Then I met Danny . Danny and I met through mutual friends . He was also a single dad and worked long hours as a commercial plumber. When I met Danny he was in sad times. He had just lost his mom to addiction a cousin that was killed and was starting to spiral himself. He would drink a lot to numb the pain. I stayed with Danny as he was the kindest man I had ever met . Once again I felt as I met him for a reason for us to help each other. His healing was a very tough time but we made it through. Fast forward a couple years later and his bestfriend overdoses and dies and around the same time his grandfather passes. Danny spirals again. At this point I am feeling I can’t have my son alone with someone so depressed. So I don’t work too much anymore. I get jobs at night bartending and waitressing . They are long nights away from home which at the time wasn’t good for danny to be alone. But I needed to bring in some kind of income.
I did that for about 4 years. Danny got better for a while and then more heartache came his way. His brother was found dead from a heroine overdose in another state. This was really hard for Danny to recover from. He now lost everyone in his immediate family.
Til this day I do not know why my life took so many turns and I was put in many situations where I was just needed to care for people. But I am good at helping people. I am good at being a natural healer in situations. I learned that after all this, that my calling is to help people no matter what it is. To be here and be present , to make people feel cared for . Is there a paid job for that ? Probably not. But I have so many experiences that I will share that will maybe help even one person to make better decisions early on. Today I truly live by the Bible verse that says “ Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others

Hi Welcome to my FIRST EVER BLOG ENTRY! My name is Christine . I am a 43 yr old mom of 1 teenage boy.
I’ve always wanted to blog but I was so nervous to start! So I decided to go for it ! After a few years of battling with jobs up and down, my health and seeing my husband struggle working three jobs, I just figured this is the right time.
I plan on being here for you to talk about any daily anxieties /panic that us women and men have. I struggle with anxiety daily and I would love to be here to share my experiences good and bad with you. I will also be taking you on my journey of trying any and all anti aging products . Which I have been doing for over 20yrs.
I hope you will like it here and I can’t wait to meet each and every one of you here!